How To Get Rid Of Your Crazy Girlfriend

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Is your girlfriend crazy? To be certain, read the post asking you “do you have a crazy girlfriend?“. Are you still with her? Have you asked yourself why? Could you answer that question truthfully if asked by a stranger that you would never see again?
Why are you with your Crazy Girlfriend?

Well let’s break this down. Let’s come up with the only good answers.:

  • She is super hot
  • She used to be normal and you are hanging on to an old memory
  • Your girlfriend is your best friend.
  • She invites her friends to yours and her private time (:D)
  • Her insanity clicks well with your insanity.
  • You live by the golden rule of “well…… better than a tissue”.

If you cannot agree to every single one of those then you are either:

  • Codependent
  • Attracted to drama
  • Stranded on an Island
  • Lying because she is perfectly normal.
  • In need of someone to make your parents quit asking you about your preference.
  • or you live by the golden rule of “well…… better than a tissue”.

See she might not be crazy at all and you might not be any of those, you two just do not click. You are probably better off just moving on, Making sure she has a new love and that you do also. That way no one is hurt and no one is shamed.
If you don’t, then you stand a chance of a crazy woman drooling and foaming at the mouth sitting on your couch rocking back and fourth gnawing on your tv remote and favorite pillow, when you get home because you just did your thing and it offended her in some way you will not understand for the next 20 years. Or you could end up with your mom calling your cell phone screaming at you because you did something you have no memory of, to this girl.
Well, that kind of crazy could lead to someone getting hurt, emotionally and physically.
How do you get out of this relationship safely? Well there are a few things to try. One is risky as heck. The other takes a bit of work but typically works well.
The risky way
Calmly and politely talk to her and ease her into a break up. You have to look at both of your plans and think of what you have that might be different in your futures. And make that the full focus. It has to be a real goal that should not be changed, like you want a house in a neighborhood and she wants to live on a boat, or something. You both may want the same amount of kids and to be rich, but the house is the difference.. Or what ever. Make it the focus of your conversation. You must hold this conversation face to face. You can’t be the bad guy when you do this, no matter what friend she tells the story to, they all will agree you did it right, but remember, she, is, your, crazy girlfriend. So um… try this if you feel safe.
Have her come over to your house and meet you in the front yard. Do not let her in the house, keep the conversation outside, away from small painful objects. Practice this. Look her in the eye and make sure she is staring you in the eye so you can check for her eyes swirling. You have to look and suggest with your eyes that she should agree when needed to agree and similarities and differences. “(Crazy Girlfriend name), we have to talk. I have been kicking this around for a while, I cannot make it happen and it frustrates me, but I have come to accept it as what it really is. We have different plans and goals. Even though our plans may parallel from time to time our end goal is not the same. (Crazy Girlfriend name), I was as close to loving you as I could be, given our circumstances, You want a boat, I want a house, Though we both want 4 kids, a blue couch and a small fluffy dog, I want to mow a yard, that is my goal. I don’t want you to change my goal, and I will never want to change your goal. If you changed your goals for me to somehow accept me, I would never forgive myself for ruining your dream and plan. (Crazy Girlfriend name) what I love the most about you is that you have a plan, please do not take that memory away from me. I feel that it is in both of our best interests if we just go ahead and break ways now before we get any further into this and one of us gets hurt”. After you say this, do not agree with anything she says, but at the same time, do not disagree. Be very adamant, be calm do not make a connection on memories. Do not let the conversation last anything more than 45 seconds after what you just told her as your break up line.. In fact you have to be somewhere to help someone, not some place she can go with you. Make sure she leaves as you leave.

The Safe Way

You can empty your bank account and put your money in another bank that sends it’s statements to your parents address. Now with your old empty bank account, leave the statements laying out in the open, showing you don’t have jack squat in your account. Now the bills for your house, put them all in a tray on your desk labeled “Over due”. When you are talking on the phone to friends make sure you talk about someone who had a failed marriage and how you wish it worked for them and how you learned from that and will never, ever marry. EVER!. When you have alone time, get yours and then talk about a headache. Never say anything negative, like; how her roommate who is leeching off her needs to not worry about how you live, when they them self are a worthless mooch. Just let him/her be the cheerleader for your break up. Don’t misdirect focus on suspicion that you are worthless . Never say anything about how worthless you are. Or how you hate money yadda yadda or how you have no plans. In fact say ” I Wish I …….” a bunch ” I wish I had a corvette” or ” I wish I could afford a tv like that ” when you are with her at her friend’s house. LoL it will be kind of embarrassing. If she has been hyping you up to be something special, you just killed that. Never say ” I will get one of those, you watch”. that’s an invite to see if you do. It also shows you have some goal that is better in focus, and that TV is a perk. Every time she gets in your car, make sure you have less than half a tank of gas. Even if that means not fully filling up your tank for a month or three. Do not go out with her, act too broke to do it.

Now comes the good part. If you know someone who likes her, become his friend, and talk to her about all of the great things he has going for him and how you wish you were more like him. Mention his cool possessions and his plans, like a kid who just found a hero. Now you just have to leave her time to get to know him. Done. As soon as her Crazy self leaves you, you have to vanish. and Never ever tell her you got them together. Never mention it to a friend. Just let it be over.

Or

Buy world of Warcraft and Lord of the Rings and never leave the house. Get to a high level as fast as you can and get in a guild. if she doesn’t join in and play the game, she will go away.

Crazy Girlfriend is now gone.

Or

ask her if she forgot to bring her pills with her when she came over. Take her to her house and turn up the radio just blocks from her house “Oh man i love this song” pick a sucky one. When she gets out of the car to get her pills…RUN!!!!

 


1 Comment

Clint on 06/12/2012 at 4:43 am.

no joke just read this and it is word for word how my last relationship came to and end and i didnt even realize it. To add a bit, even once you introduce her to this friend and step away your battle is not over, she will use everything imaginable to ensure you are still hers. If you dont let your balls drop you are just going to be stuck as her whipping boy while her and her new friend continue where you left off. I have successfully ignored her to the point where she now has had detectives contact me to tell me to refrain from contacting her like i needed some in a uniform for that…

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