Back to Relationships
I was talking to an Ex on the phone, and the topic of why men and women can or can not be “just friends” came up.
Of course I am the guy and I say that we can’t be “just friends” and she, the female swears she has guy friends, who just want to be friends.
Now she thinks I am crazy. Or that’s what she says while not wanting to admit that females are just as desperate and bad as men.
See, this is how I see that it works. If you are a single person, you want to be with someone else. If you have no one in mind specifically, then you are looking for someone to come along. Now people don’t just come along. You have to be where new people are, and who you are hanging out with at that time, is quite crucial to what people see you as. If you are hanging out with your buddies and you run into a woman, she now has all of you to pick through. And well, that’s not cool. If you are hanging out by yourself, you look lonely and desperate. If you are hanging out with a woman, you look taken. Any conversation you try and start up with any sensible woman, will sound like total BS. If not, then she might be the most gullible woman on the planet. Or one that is into weird role playing and dating taken men and decides to play along for the weird adventure. Yeah. Good luck with her.
but back on topic .
If you hang out with a woman on a regular basis, it will not be long before you make some sort of connection. Before you suddenly click on a topic that you relate with . If not, then why are you hanging out with her?
One of the hardest things to get in a relationship, is a good relationship and things in common. When you find things in common, you feel more attached. Certain attachments happen when you are dealing with the person of the opposite gender, and you are someone who likes the opposite gender.
No guy is going to waste perfectly good “girl hunting” time, with a woman who will lead him to nowhere. Friend zone sucks.
My whole life, I have known women who say they only get along with men. These women also say that they can only be friends with men. All of these women, are married now, and only hang out with the husband and a couple girls they have known their whole lives. Except one super crazy woman but she doesn’t count, Trust me plenty of crazy in her.
It has always been my experience that women who hang out with just guys, don’t put two and two together very fast (that is giving them the benefit of doubt) that the guy only hangs out with her because he wants her. That’s why he does so much crap for her, and the reason she doesn’t hang out with women is because the women don’t kiss her butt like men who want her. And well, really guys, you shouldn’t be with a woman like that. You need to be with a woman who hangs out with women. Anything more than 1/5 friend ratio being guys, you are looking at problems.
Sure one or a few of her friends used to be married and now the wife is out of the picture. Fine. Why does the wife not talk to her and how or why is the guy more connected with her after the divorce?
The friend zone sucks. And when you are there and you think she might be with you because she flirts really hard with and then either sends you on missions, or makes you do stuff you don’t really care to do (normally) then dude, you are in the friend zone and that’s all you will be. And you are being used.
Pause for a moment, I caught myself writing this on facebook. Never finished it so here it is.
As a guy, …. ladies…. We like to hook up with people we already know. That way we aren’t doinking someone and then later finding out that we just bumped uglies with a crazy person. All of the crazy stuff of a friend, is already out there in the open.
It’s not that it’s easier, that way. Not at all. It’s less stressful. and perhaps after as much time as gone by, you have actually come to feel some pretty strong feelings for the person. You know, one day you are laying back in bed thinking your super hero thoughts before you go to bed “yeah I would totally save the world and risk my life doing it” and then the thought crosses “would I risk my life for my buddy “yeah I would risk my life for my buddy” Would I risk my life for her? ” Yes, because she knows my family and can tell them why I am a good person” etc etc… and then just before you fall asleep “would ya do her???” .. Ok…. now you’re awake .
You kind of shrug it off, and then the very next day, you are hanging out and she does something that you totally appreciate and agree with and instantly your brain says “yes, Yes I would”. You shrug it off not wanting to add complications and you go on with your day. Or you hit on her and everything changes. Good or bad. If there are conditions in your life where many things could be lost if taken the wrong way, then you don’t hit on her. You won’t even look her in the face. You may even brush her off
Can a guy just be a girls friend? no.. and she knows damn well that the 9000 times he “joked about sex” wasn’t a joke, but some weird delusional world tells her it’s ok and it means nothing, “in certain circumstances”
For the most part, I judge a woman by how many female friends she has and how many male friends she has. I judge her sanity right then. Not her actual sanity (legal sanity), but how boggled she will leave you. How nuts she will make you feel, most of the time. If she has nothing but guy friends, I want nothing to do with her. She will be problems, she might be a little fun, but sheesh, the headaches you may encounter really aren’t worth it. By my experiences. If she has nothing but female friends, then she might actually have her morals in the right place, but might be a tad on the dull side.
You also have to remember that some women actually hang out with just guys, because she is what they call “polyandry” *(
more defined in Human nature)*. Basically means she likes a Harem of male slaves. Be it they are enslaved by emotional connection, physical attraction or monetary status. The men feel some sort of relationship and stay with her to not feel bad for letting her down. Me? no.. I let it go. Right off ” I’m not here to lay your stepping stones, lay tile, put hardwood floors in your least used room, fix your car, mow your yard, trim your trees unless we live alone together. and no, I am not comfortable with bringing guy friends over to do things in my stead.”. At some point in a relationship, I make it known. If I notice she is in any way like this, I won’t even be in any pictures with her. This relationship has just turned into bed buddies. and that is the most I will let it be.
If you have “that female friend”, you know. The one that you wish would just yank her clothes off and let you off the hook of waiting.. Just lay it out there. If she never talks to you again, cool, that issue is resolved. You will not be her slave. You will not be told how confident you are or aren’t. You will be the one who took the risk. Win or fail, you did it, and trying is better than wishing you tried.
And now, Here is a woman’s point of view on whether men and women can just be friends.