Defining D bag.
Some people out there like certain things. Many people can not do what it takes to obtain certain things, so they improvise, and improvise until they have certain things. As they gradually get closer and closer to the prize, their morals strip away because they know, it’s just right in reach. but what these people forget, in the end, they are a D Bag. Like hunting with radar and sonar and all sorts of electronics to locate an animal with a tracking device in it, and it’s tied to a tree for them. So they can tell their friend they killed the most animals, for sport. If you want sport, leave your money at home, leave your gun at home and just bring food and water. Anything you pick up along the way, that’s your weapon. If you can build a bow from sticks and twine or threads from your shirt, then man, you have my respect. Or the guy who has props in his car for the times he actually gets a woman to ride home with him from a club. He clearly has nothing real about him and his morals are long gone.
Lets go on to the list of Douche bags.
How to tell if you are a douche bag
- Driving a large pick up truck, to work in an office. The bigger the truck and less the scratches in the bed, the more of a total douche bag you are.
- Driving what is now called an “S.U.V.” and not facing the fact that the S.U.V. is the modern minivan. In every aspect. It is a minivan.
- Your pick up truck has nuts hanging from the back.
- Your hunting equipment costs you more than $300. The further you get from $300, the more of a punk you are who is compensating for inability to adapt or overcome. Survival is not your forte and you really should get back home.
- If you think that anyone who gets attention is a hipster.
- If you think poor people are lesser people than you.
- If you think rich people are lesser than you .
- If you video tape yourself antagonizing the police, and then distribute the results to youtube as police brutality, or infringement of rights.
- Weekend Harley rider. You spend 3 hours strapping your fat butt into leather, just to ride to the end of your street and buy cigarettes that you know your wife would murder you for buying, only to ride back home change into your shorts and mow your lawn with your pasty white legs.
- Manager muscle. That guy at work who has to put on his best meany face and disrespect employees because he is in a higher position, even so much as tell them he will beat their *** if they don’t do what he said.
- Prettiest girl in the area. She could be the prettiest because all of the prettier finally moved to a better area, or all got married. Pay attention and don’t be her servant.
- Having nothing to say but sounding off as if your latest “self help” tape works if you just talk over everyone and ignore reality.
- If you say “It is what it is”, more than two times a day. The more times you say it, the more of a douche bag you are.
- If you say something rude and then follow it up with “I’m just sayin”. Then you are a douche bag. The more times you say it in a day, the more of a douche you are.
- You put 20 inch rims on a car worth less than the rims.
- If you put 22 inch rims on anything other than a tractor.
- You drive a Bentlee and live in a 300 square foot shack on that one street were everyone gets busted buying crack.
- If you sell crack.
- If you smoke crack.
- If you steal from family and friends.
- If you like to do stuff to people who trust you, when they are not looking, so you have some superior feeling about them.
- When something bad happens to someone and they are telling you about it and you say “If it was me I would have ….” No you wouldn’t have.
- If you get to the front of the line somewhere and feel that it is your duty to make the people behind you wait even longer while you pretend to make up your mind, “King of the line” as if you are in 3rd grade again.
- If more than once a week you are driving and say to yourself “well I’ll teach him”.
- If you think arguing with a cashier will let you get your way.
- If you have a “well practiced tough guy face”.
- You order a value meal at a fast food place and change the whole meal “can you replace the meat with fish, replace the fries with tater tots and the soda to a shake?”. Especially when it’s the next meal over to get that exact order and just a few cents more.
- You yell stuff out your window at people walking by.
- If you rob the laundry mat. Don’t you know that you are robbing from the poorest place in town?
- If you are a salesman and you won’t let the customer buy what they want, and offer something more expensive, then call them cheap for leaving without buying anything.
- If you are a salesperson and tell someone over the phone that you have something in stock, when you really don’t. Just so you can get them in the store.
- If you are a user of Craig’s list and purposely post items in the wrong category.
- If you bragged about your belongings to beat out another guy for a girl.
- If you stare at someone as you pass them, with a (previously stated) Meany face, just to see if they are racist.
- If you are a new female hired, and search for the highest ranking single guy (or married) to hit on.
- If you are the highest ranking guy in a work place and hit on all of the new girls. yippie, head burger flipper.
- If you see someone staring at something and step between them and said object.
- If you are that employee that disagrees with anything that is not your idea.
- you get in the self check out lane when you know can’t even set the clock in your car.
- You sit through a red light three fricken times because you are finishing a text message.
- You work at an answering service and the person who called pressed a button for a specific language, and you can’t speak it.
- If that last line upset you.
- If someone you are attracted to doesn’t ask you out fast enough, so you turn them down.
- You see someone about to change lanes, so you speed up and block them in.
- When coming to a red light you change lanes to the empty lane, but go really slow when the light changes and tell yourself that you are a law biding citizen with every right to be there.
- You get mad when people pass you on the street.
- You stand super close to the person in line in front of you
- You quiz people that you are intimidated by.
- If you tell people how they should post on Facebook.
- You use a fail proof line to pick up women.
- You think every nice thing any guy says to you is just a line to get into your pants.
- You only date married men, but get mad when they don’t call you. You are an idiot and a douche bag.
- You are a married man and brag to single women about all the things you own. Clearly you do not own that stuff. Your wife does.
- If you think all cops are wrong and out to get you.
- If you are a cop and think that everyone is wrong and you should get them all.
If you are one of these people, You need to change your ways. The world knows. You are a D bag. If you have been sent here by a friend, that friend might think you are a D bag and hopes you get the message. You probably used to be cool, but now you are a D bag.
If you know a D bag, save the world and tell him what line to read. Or if you are too kind for the d bag and just hope he gets the message.
Feel free to leave more D bag definitions below.