Swinging Stupid – Swings left to turn right. Swings right to turn left. Often entering another lane.
Short Stop – Stop short and roll forward. Slowly… Often more than a car length away from car in front of them.
King of the Stop light – Pause at light until it turns yellow.
Road Buddy – Drives next to you, sometimes too friendly/lonely to realize your blinker is on and you need to change lanes.
Harley revver – Dude that revs up his motor at all red lights and stop signs, and when just coasting… For no reason at all.
Front runner – Wants to be up front. Not to speed, not to hurry, just to be up front. Will race if you try to pass.
Suicide Cruise Missile – Has an exact speed just under the speed limit, as if cruise control is on “save gas” mode. Weaves in and out of traffic at stop lights and lane mergers, to prevent slowing down or speeding back up. Everyone has to pass him again.
Pace car – Slows down as you catch up, speeds up as you try to pass.
Outsmart the turn light – Turns at red light from the wrong lane, because he/she didn’t feel like waiting in line.
Cutter/Last Second Merge – That guy sees everyone in a long line next to the lane that merges into the long line. So he jumps into merging lane and darts up front and gets mad when no one lets him in.
Tailgate 4×4 – Guy in big truck doesn’t like seeing brake lights.
Midget behind giant – Person in a small car that tailgates large vehicles. So close they can’t see what is ahead of the large vehicle, to prevent collision in the chance that the front driver is distracted.
Wrecking ball – The fool speeding through traffic in a very large vehicle. Can’t navigate or stop as well as smaller cars but does his best to get in front of them. Typically drives an Excursion, Suburban, Navigator ETC.
Self Appointed Traffic Control – Big SUV that cuts in front of someone trying to pass, only to pull up next to someone going slow to block them in.
The Cork – Sometimes is the same guy that is Traffic Control. He/she pulls up next to someone going slow and just locks in to match their speed.
Lane Change Piggy Back – When you are in a small car, stuck behind an SUV or minivan and are entering the freeway, that minivan driver never touches his blinker, just changes lanes with you. Yes it is ALWAYS someone in a minivan/Suv.
Traffic Bert – Drives slow as can be, then when you pass him/her they speed through traffic to try and get next to you and give you the look of “well you didn’t get far”, but instead look like crazy Sesame Street puppet.
Tail Light Disco Often a person in a large vehicle wants to speed in traffic but can’t so he/she is steadily tapping the brakes, because the vehicle is kinda heavy so they have to be ready to stop. AKA “Brakes A Lot”.
If you are cruising along mad at everyone passing you and decide to squirm to the first spot at the red light while everyone is slowing down….. YOU have road rage. You are the person who is the biggest hazard.
Waiting to the last second to squeeze into the turning lane and getting your back end left out there, is your fault.
Cutting through parking-lots at red-lights, You did not outsmart society. That property is owned by a person who had to create it to allow customers a place to park.